My husband travels a bit overseas for his job and during the weeks that he is gone, I find myself anxious and just plain tired. It is hard to take care of both the boys and do the normal routine without my partner to back me up in the dinner through bedtime hours!
So, on one of his previous trips, night 6 (which means I hadn’t slept well for the previous 5 nights) Maddox started puking… awesome. I find myself then going down the train of thought thinking that I will be the next one to start throwing up, followed by Brayden and then my parents who would be in town to visit two days later would get it and start puking, you get the idea. And as I lay there with my sick baby I remember just repeating…
I surrender, I surrender.
The truth of the matter was that I couldn’t control whether or not I was going to get the stomach flu, chances are that I would have already been exposed before Maddox even got sick. But still, in that moment, I couldn’t just let it go.
That was just a small example of what I wish I could conquer in so many aspects of my life. I think back to the concept of finding my calling and really following passion and my heart and I know deep down inside that the moment I will be able to really do that is when I can just be at peace with where I am right now.
I think once I can really just be peaceful and comfortable with the concept of not really knowing what is around the corner and focus on contentment and gratitude, that it will come.
Isn’t that why we always find our partners and soul mates when we are finally comfortable and happy being on our own?
I know I spent years in bad relationships looking for the right man. I always spent way too long with the wrong men trying to make them what I thought I wanted or needed, not to mention trying to make relationships work just to prove a point to the people around me and maybe myself also.
It wasn’t until I was 25 years old and really comfortable with me that along came Brent. Looking back, it seems like it was almost immediate that he came into my life just when I stopped looking.
It sounds so cliché, and really it is, but cliché’s are just that for a reason right?
Anywho… what would you like to conquer in your life?
How many times have I said this as I am throwing my hands up in the air? But the truth about surrendering is that I never can quite do it. And when I say surrender, I guess I am really saying acceptance; acceptance of the fact that there are always, maybe more times than not, going to be things that I just cannot control.
At those moments when I realize this, the control freak in me (which is pretty much every part of me) thinks that there must be something that I can do at that moment to change what will ultimately happen.
I wish I could just hand it off to the “powers that be” and be done with it.
How do we really surrender and just let go?
Maybe if it becomes my mantra, eventually I will be able to just let go.
Just today, I was talking with an amazing friend (who happens to be the strongest most wonderful woman) and I found myself telling her that she needed to just surrender everything at the moment, be at peace with what she knows, and really just focus on taking care of her.
Great advice, especially coming from a woman who has no idea how to do it.
I surrender. I surrender. I surrender.
Have you been able to just let go? I would love to hear your stories!
- Surrender (allisonnazarian.com)