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Thursday has arrived (already??)!

I promised to deliver some thoughtful words in this post and what I am about to share is something I have been introspecting about a lot lately.  Watch out!

Being at peace. 

Morning Glory

photo via stock.xchng.com by: smolla

What is that really?

We can be at peace with our lives, our world, or different bits and pieces of the things that make up who we are, what we do, and what we have to deal with.

After much thought and introspection, I truly believe that being at peace is a process.

Do we ever really get to the point where we can say we are totally at peace?  I don’t know.

Do we really want to get to total peace?  I think so, but in some ways I am not completely sure.

I have spent the last three years trying to figure out how to help Maddox and his migraines.

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photo: stock.xchng.com by: tinpalace

I have spent countless hours reading, writing, researching, talking, and cooking.

We have modified lifestyle, diet, and nutrition.

Still, the migraines keep coming.

Every time Maddox gets a migraine, I review the last week.  I think about what we have done, what might be out of our routine, and every little morsel he has put in his mouth.

At the end of it, I turn up nothing concrete.

I am finally at the point where I truly feel at peace. 

This is the hand we have been dealt.   These awful episodes are just a part of our lives and I have accepted that.

I realize that my efforts have not been wasted.  I have to believe that the things that I have done for Maddox will help him in the future to suffer less, and hopefully shorten the episodes or make them less frequent.

But I am at peace with the fact that they seem (for now) to be here to stay.

The last migraine he had, last Friday night was different though.

In the midst of it, as Brent was running down all the possibilities of what could’ve caused it.  I stopped him.  (that makes it sound so nice… tee hee.  I wasn’t really that sweet about stopping him…)

I just let him know that I am at peace with this and I am done trying to make myself crazy figuring out why.

As the migraine continued and it wasn’t following its “normal” course, my peace dissipated…

I sit here today, searching for more answers, more resources, more options for ways to make it better…

I am not searching for the answers as to why, and I feel like I have accepted them, but I somehow cannot just let it go without continuing to try to make it better for my baby.

Peace is a process.

It seems like there are many steps along the way.

I wonder if we ever really arrive.  I know at this point as much as I thought I was there, I have more work I need to do.

Do you think we are ever really at peace? Is that the goal?

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