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Gym (Photo credit: ivywoodavenue)

Why is it so hard to get to the gym?  Ahhhh!!!!!

And once I am there, why is it so hard to push myself?  I feel like even when I can gather up enough motivation to get myself in the gym, once I am there, I am more interested in listening to my music and zoning out, than really pushing myself in a workout!

Sometimes I feel like being a stay at home mom just completely zaps my motivation to do the things I know I need to do for me– like go to the gym.  The funny thing is that even though I don’t enjoy going to the gym, I can’t deny that once I get it into my routine and I have been going consistently,  I feel much better about myself in general.  I carry myself more confidently, my tolerance for whining goes up, my patience gets longer and overall my husband thinks I am totally the bomb as I am perkier and let’s be honest he likes it when my butt is like POW!

You would think that knowing that would be enough to get my motivation going, but like so many other things, it doesn’t seem to matter…

All my life I was an athlete.  When I think of myself, I think of an athlete, however when I look in the mirror, I see a thirty something mom who is still trying to get herself back after the re-distribution of childbirth.  Not that I was a hard body by any means and this mama has never seen a six pack or a size six for that matter.  I think I have been a size 12 since I was 12 (or even younger) and have always been the girl with the “big bones”; I am also 5’9” tall.

When I was in my teens and early twenties, the only thing that I had to focus on was my education, my job and finding the right partner to share my life with.  A big job, but nothing compared to my job now.

While thinking of myself as an athlete should be the fuel to light my workout fire, I think it kinda does the opposite.  I feel like I need to think of myself as a woman who wants to take great care of herself and with that, the expectations go from needing to be the top competitor (the athlete) to the gal who is satisfied and thrilled with just  getting there and doing it.

When I am in the mindset of the top athlete, I don’t ever seem be able to do what I think I should and therefore just blowing it off seems a lot easier when there are other things to do like laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, or going to Starbucks.

It’s time, yet again, to cut myself some slack and meet me right here, right now.

Right here and right now what I need is to get there, everything else is added bonus.  If getting to the gym means that I get to zone out and listen to music for an hour while moving, that is an hour more of moving than sitting on the couch in my fuzzy pants watching Mikey Mouse Clubhouse right?

Of course when I get home from the gym, the fuzzy pants get busted out and I bask in the soft comfort of knowing that I did it for today.

I guess part of this process is just realizing that although we are still the same people that we were years ago, parenting and more specifically being a mother changes us.

For some, the changes might be emotional, others physical, or in my case both.  I think coming to a place of peace means that we also have to not only be grateful but forgiving and accepting of ourselves right here, right now.

Easier said than done, but the journey continues and the more we reflect, the more we understand about how to  unconditionally love ourselves the way we are right now, just like we strive to be that unconditional love and support for our kiddos.

Mantra for today:  I will learn to LOVE my muffin top!