Here we are! After so much contimplation and encouragement, I am taking the plunge! After months of writing, and writing, and writing, I am putting myself out into cyberspace. I am making myself vulnerable and telling it like it is.
What the heck am I doing here?
I have always had aspirations of wearing a power suit from Ann Taylor, being the woman in charge and holding a big job in corporate America. When I was a child I remember wanting to be a corporate woman embellished with all the latest trends and fashion accessories. And then I met my husband and started thinking about being a mom. My ideas and vision for myself shifted, as I know happens to many women, and I found myself then wanting to be a “mom with a masters degree”.
I wanted to get my education, complete a Masters degree to prove to myself and maybe others that I was intelligent and capable of my corporate dream, yet I wanted to stay home with my children and be the mom that got to work in the classroom, be on the PTO and “be there” for my kids. So I got the degree (in clinical psychology believe it or not!), and although I don’t use it in a corporate setting I am doing “therapy” everyday.
So when we found ourselves packing up the moving truck and heading to Oregon from California for my husband’s job, I gave up my successful business and my budding career for my family. I was finally going to be able to fulfill my dream of becoming a mom with a master’s degree. So here I am, living my dream and it is not as rosey and sweet as I thought; I feel incomplete somehow.
Again… What am I doing here?
For the past year I have struggled with my purpose. What is it? What am I supposed to be doing? I have always felt that I was put on this planet with a voice and with a purpose that I am going to influence a lot of people, help people, and make lives better. The only problem is that I don’t know how.
This past holiday season, my brother and his wife came to visit. Cindy is the most amazing woman and the thing that I admire most about her (amongst many other things!) is that she knows what she is meant to do. I have done countless questionnaires, watched Oprah for years, explored spirituality through reading self help books, asked the question and somehow, so far, I don’t have the answer.
Where is it going to come from?
Is God going to tell me? And if so, how will I know it is him? Is it going to come in my dreams? So for now, I am just going to spout off about it and hope that through my exploration the divine will happen- that is I will figure it out.
As I am talking with Cindy, I say “I want to share a story, but I don’t have a good or interesting story to tell”. Her response went something along these lines “You do have a story to tell- you have every mother’s story to tell. You are a mother who has put your career, your dreams, your passion (whatever that may be… tbd) on hold for your family; your husband, your children”.
I guess that is totally true…
How often do I get to read about the average mother who doesn’t overcome the extraordinary, survive a horrific trauma (thank goodness I don’t have that story to tell), or have some amazing creative DIY talent, but just lives every day trying to figure out how to raise healthy children, not let herself go and in the process find what she was put on this planet to do.
That’s what I am going to do! Thank you Cindy; for inspiring me to find the extraordinary in the ordinary and realize that I do have a story to tell.