I wrote this on January 15, 2012:
“I have always been confident in the person that I am. Confident in my character, my intellect, my capabilities and yet when it comes to really putting myself out there, really out there in this way with my writing, I am terrified. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid of rejection? Am I afraid that my story will not be interesting or nobody will want to read it? The honest answer is, I don’t know.
Why does fear play such a huge part in our lives?
When it comes to business, I am all in. I have always been the girl willing to take the risk knowing that I will be a success. But it is easy to put yourself on the line when it’s not your feelings out there.
When we make ourselves vulnerable to others and more importantly when we expose ourselves for who we really are, we are risking everything. We put our hopes, dreams, and expectations on the line and when we expose ourselves, we open up the door to the possibility that they may actually come true.
When we spend so much time thinking about our hopes and dreams, but not creating them, we are safe. We allow ourselves to continue to stay stuck in the same place dreaming about what could be, yet remaining in the comfort of what is. I know I have reflected a lot on being in the now and enjoying what we have at this moment, but is there a way to enjoy this very moment while actually working to create our dreams? I think so.
It starts by conquering our fears, making ourselves vulnerable and taking the leap.
So when Diane asked me yesterday what I was afraid of, I truly didn’t know. But after really thinking about it, I guess I am afraid that this may actually get me one step closer to my dream of touching the lives of a lot of people and it will no longer be the thing that I say I want to do, but rather thing that I do.
I have never been good with the concept of the unknown. That must be why I am such a control freak (and I say that in the nicest way- about myself!). I have never been comfortable with the idea that I may not know what is around every corner.
If we don’t know what is coming next, how can we plan for it? I suppose that is whole idea about being in the now and that whole surrender thing right?
So here it goes, I surrender to whatever is supposed to become of this adventure. I will expose my deepest thoughts, feelings, challenges and successes and let you see the real me. The me that can be a mess, confused and sometimes blue; the me that is confident, joyful and full of appreciation. I am putting it all out there and surrendering to the unknown in hopes that it will get me one or one hundred steps closer to my dreams.
One of my all time favorite sayings: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
I love that saying! Today I sit and read this I still feel overwhelmed with insecurity about what I am really doing, where I am going and what it all is leading up to. But I continue now as I was then trying to live everyday- mindful, present and full of gratitude
What fears have you conquered? Why do you think fear plays such a huge roll in our lives?